Work oriented

As of now, I'm mostly concentrating on school work university assignments and when I get into it, it actually becomes really fun. I've been sacrificing a lot of sleep though so I really look like a panda now.

For one of my Architectural Representation Studio assignment, I had to represent the elements of the Klein Bottle house by McBride Charles Ryan.

The case study was really difficult and I resented the idea of making it as our group's case study but now looking back on the selection and other people's choice, I'm glad we got ours cause it was really interesting and although it takes me a minimum of 6 hours per assignment, I enjoyed every second of it. I wonder what my brain's thinking about during that process. It's like I'm on auto-pilot.

Anyway, the elements that I used to represent the house was naturally the Klein Bottle and I also used the concept of light and shadow as well as origami. I thought of the idea first but when I did further research, I found an artist by the name of Kumi Yamashita who experiments with lights, shadows and origami as well. She inspires me even more to become creative.

And thus, when I presented my first few assignments to my professor, he said that I did a good job and that it was interesting. For those works I got around 28 marks out of 30.

When I showed him the assignment I did for elements he literally said "Wow." and looked quite taken aback by it. He even proceeded to show it to the other two professors and for that one I got 30 marks.

I felt really good and proud of myself because for that assignment alone I spent close to 10 hours and it felt good that all my hard work and ideas were appreciated. He even said I had potential to constantly get full marks for the next few exercises and I resolve to do so. After all, I'm aiming for a scholarship.

I'm certain that many more of my classmates got full marks as well but it's nice knowing that I'm the youngest in class and I made something really impressive that he just had to talk about it with the other two professors. I really hope I won't disappoint them in the future.

When I get back home during the holidays, I plan to at least study an hour a day, no matter how tired I am. I also want to really finish my other assignment from another course and hopefully the execution is as good as the idea.

And now to study Urban Planning. :)

I know what I want

I just have no idea why I never saw this sooner.

I really have to thank Mandy for introducing drawing to me at a young age. Without that catalyst, I wouldn't have ever even ventured into drawing and even if I did, I might have given up at the first few steps.

On another subject, I just finished reading Koisuru Boukun which is a really good yaoi manga and I never expected to ever find one after Junjou Romantica. I think good yaoi characters always have the best style of drawing. After reading page after page, your drawing can improve, like really.

I want to be a mangaka and maybe even an animator. I'm not sure how long it'll take me to reach this dream but I know for sure that it'll take more practice and experience and time. I want to pursue this dream.

For now though, I'll oblige to my parent's wishes before I start to really work hard on the other dream.

One small step for mankind, one gigantuous leap for me :)

I was feeling really blue yesterday and I have no idea why.

They say that if you go to bed happy, you'll wake up feeling sad and vice versa. Well, I guess that's quite true. :)

I was still in a blue-ish mood this morning though and even though I readily participated to go for the class trip to Bicocca to get the chance to crawl on a transparent plastic suspended 13 metres in air, I was a bit scared that the turn-out would be horrifying and that no one will enjoy themselves.

I am extremely relieved that more than four people came. In fact, 15 people including me turned up.

At first it was a bit awkward but as the trip progressed we all got more pally with each other.

Since the exhibition only opened at 7.00 pm or so we all went to drink coffee and we all talked a lot with each other and I even managed to talk with people I didn't think I'd ever talk with until much later.

I guess I finally managed to man up to the task haha. :)

And I learnt that if we become too conscious of someone we will definitely become unable to speak with them normally which is why I know that as long as I relax, I'll be able to talk with him one day. It's never too late. :)

And now I will draw (which is how I force myself to do homework) before I actually do my homework.

Today was indeed a good day! :D

The things that drives you to do better

I am seriously seriously extremely happy. :D

Last month, due to my obsession with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, I did some research on him and found out that he has an online company called hitRECord.org which intimidated me slightly since even though I wanted to join it so bad, I knew my skills weren't really up to par.

And then one night, after hours of studying (and I was really tired), I finally got the courage to join the site.

Initially, I didn't do much except for the occasional essay and poem but ever since I got to Italy, I wondered why I didn't try to promote myself as an artist instead.

I was lazy, yes I admit, because drawing something takes a very long time for me (more than 6 hours for a small piece) because I am an extremely detailed person.

But yesterday, I just thought, "What the heck, let's just do this" cause in a way, I'm chasing after my dream career which is to be an animator.

And so I spent close to 7 hours drawing a demon girl.

The Demon in My Dreams (literally)

(Copyright to hitRECord.org)

I was scared at first because I forgot to set the resolution to 2000 and it was 300 instead. =-=

I was scared no one would like it.

Then, this morning when I went on, I found that many people liked it, even two seniors who are really well known in that company and then I just felt so happy because of that. :D

Like I could produce something worth my time and hardwork that people liked. :D

Nevertheless, it made me want to become even better at drawing and I can only hope that the next time I draw something for the company it will be just as good.

I need to go now cause I need to go to the bank!

De-freezing

Goodness knows how many times I'll blog but when things happen, I'll definitely jot it down. I should get back into the habit of blogging on a daily basis to see how life went. I used to do this so it should be no problem at all.

So let's see, what has been happening in my life here in Italy?

I have (thankfully) made more friends and they are people I know that I can trust.
I have been walking a whole lot everywhere since public transport is freaking expensive unless you travel far away from the city.
I made a mistake of walking over 10km to a church I couldn't find so I had to track back and go to Duomo Cathedral where I shall now attend every week since I know where it actually is hahaha.
I went shopping for food and other paraphernalia I need to settle down.
I hung out and went out with people, which I normally don't do, and it has been surprisingly fun and enjoyable. Well, some parts.

And I technically go online everyday and cook everyday which is a must even though I might get lazy to because the only place to get wifi for my phone is in the kitchen and I want to keep in contact with my family.

It's also clear to see who my real friends are. I keep in contact a lot with only two people. The rest just come and go but I'm not pissed or anything hahaha.

I have also been trying to improve my drawing skills and have been diligently using my Bamboo as of yesterday as I really want to improve and post more ideas at hitRECORD of which I am slightly addicted to. I like contributing and watching the number of people who read or look or listen to something that I created and I can only hope that the numbers will increase.

Needless to say, I initially thought that I wouldn't find any eye-candy here but lo and behold there are some, but a few. I am not, however, in the mood to even get a crush on anyone, sad to say.

He made me feel like I should stop searching, but, it's okay to look. Thank you.

I can actually talk quite normally with guys now and of course there are the occasional lapse of awkwardness but they are super nice and we'll usually forget about it.

I just hope that one day I'll be able to pursue what I really want to and meet the people that I have always admired and strive to be.

These days it's getting colder but I enjoy every minute of it.

I can't wait to see home again, that I know for sure. :)

Rain of blessing

It's funny how it only started raining the minute mom left.

I got caught in supermarket because of that, playing Sudoku and listening to CNBLUE.

I was terrified at the prospect of staying on a campus, what more when I found out that everyone here is mostly older than me and are guys. And smoke.

In fact, almost everyone in Italy smoke. Especially women. So many of them.
And for that, I fear for my life.

When mom left, I felt downright sad and depressed and I honestly wanted to follow her back to Malaysia and cry because I'm still not really comfortable being here. Honestly.

But I know I shouldn't cause it's pointless so I just listen to music. And it brings everything away.

I almost cried reading Corn's blog, really. Thinking about it even makes me choke up a bit.

But yeah, I have to grow up. People will come and go their separate ways cause life likes messing up our life like that so that our roads will cross with other people's roads.

As for now, I'm fairly doing okay.

My roommate is the best I could have hoped for. We even went jogging this morning and she helps me break out from my shell bit by bit. I've already gotten to know some other people, and they are nice, enough.

Results come out tomorrow, 10.30am my time and I just pray that I'll pass.

Cause even though I don't really like being here at this moment, I want to make up for all the trouble I've put my mom and family through.

Now to learn Italian and on a brighter side, I bought "The Avengers" and yes, I'm going to watch it in Italian with English subs which is pretty much amusing since I didn't even finish watching the movie in English but all's well ends well.

I must work hard.

Turning a deaf ear

So I only exist when you have something to talk about is it?


That's usually how it goes so I'm actually okay with it but it got me thinking. A lot.


I listen when you talk, even if I don't know what it is you're going on about, and I do my best to make you feel comfortable and stuff. Can't do the same for me right? Your friend?


Wonder who I am in your eyes. Really.


Maybe next time I should just forget opening myself up again. To people like you, whom I actually thought I could begin to trust but yeah, go on and break it why don't you?


Not going to dwell on this for too long though. Haha.

Thou shalt have trust :)

Cutting to the chase, he did reply me.

:D XD :)

And it even though it was a day late, he still did.

He said he did get my text but he was busy playing Left 4 Dead with his friends so he couldn't reply and he only remembered again today.

We talked a bit and I feel happy. Really happy.

I truly know now that we can be at least friends and I am quite contented with that.

On the other hand, thing aren't going as planned for my application and yet again, I don't know when I'm going back home.

I was supposed to do stuff today but since the whole translation bit got messed up, I ended up on omegle and I met some pretty interesting people.

I must study differentiation though tonight, for at least one hour.

And then I'll just read a bit of bio.

Not going to attempt Physics since I'm scared I'll get the theories mixed and I wish I could study Chemistry but I don't have the new notes.

What to do....

Life's going to be so hectic when I get back home...

Keeping faith alive

Today, I decided to text him after 2 weeks of no interaction whatsoever with him.


"Hey. How are you? :)"


He didn't reply.


I'll admit that I do feel really upset, almost depressed cause, you know, he said it was okay to text him and he did stress that he was a nice guy.


That's why, I still have faith that he didn't mean for this to happen.


He could have ran out of credit and all or something else.


But of course, the other unwanted answer could actually be the truth.


Maybe I only texted him to get myself to feel slightly more happier cause I really miss home and I want to go home and I thought that if he replied, I'd feel better.


Such high hopes though.


I wish I can get a tablet soon cause I'm feeling really inspired to draw and make my own manga now since the story I want to read can't be found and I know that I can execute the story well.


I just wished, you know, that he'd reply me.


It can be tomorrow, I don't mind.


I didn't think that this silence could hurt so much.

Lucky?

I've come to realise that all the guys that I've liked (well, that's only two) has treated me so freaking nice even when they found out that I liked them.


I don't know if the current one does but he's treated me so nice.


I know guys who become mean once they find out someone likes them just because they're not interested in that person. And they were really mean.


When I really think about things through and through, I realise just how much he's been nice to me even though I was really obvious.


It give me hope that I can at least become his friend. :)


It' a good thing this preoccupies my thoughts a lot cause if not, I'd be all depressed cause I'm not at home right (which I should be) and I'm still worried things will screw up and I can't apply for the university.


Please God, let my application be accepted!

If it does happen

I'm really scared that I won't be able to apply for the university cause I don't want to cause mom anymore pain than I already have (with reference to the highly unsuccessful bakery attack).


I did all that I could have already but it's really all up to God now and the Italian Embassy.


Looking through a lighter perspective for today, I felt a little bit more mature and nicer cause I took the KTM and LRT by myself and I even gave my seat several times to older people. I actually met nice people at almost every station so I didn't get lost, thankfully.


Walking around felt quite good, like I was free from everything.


I got to buy Kimi ni Todoke book one today and I am so freaking pleased with myself even though it cost RM 30.70. I wanted to buy the How to Draw Manga Characters book but that costs RM 88.30 and I don't have that much money.


I really hope my application gets through.

Bittersweet

IS prom was really good.


First and foremost, it's because of my sisters who made me feel quite good about myself by giving me a make-over. Without them, I'd have been a mess.


I got to talk to a lot of people and I didn't feel bored at all cause I had a lot of work and the performances weren't as bad as I thought it'd turn out to be.


Just the technical problems disrupted that evening. And a whole lot of misunderstanding.


I had to go up on stage twice to help with the lucky draw and the first time I did, my knees shook and I don't know if anyone saw them shaking and I still don't know if they shook because I was walking around in my heels for more than an hour or the fact that he was there in the crowd.


Needless to say, I did almost fall in my supremely high high heels once today.


On the stairs.


Luckily, I have good reflexes and I was pretty much unscathed for the rest of the evening.


At least I didn't trip on stage.


I feel so blessed cause I had the chance to talk to him and to clear all my doubts away.


I now know for sure that he isn't annoyed with me and he isn't pissed with me and that he doesn't mind me texting him anytime.


I even got to take a picture with him.


Somehow though, I don't feel really that ecstatic.


Instead, I feel a quiet sadness enveloping me.


I don't know why.


Initially, I thought this sadness came from my misunderstanding that he and one of his friends were hooking up but when Corn told me that this friend of his actually likes another guy, I still felt sad so this sadness didn't come from there.


It does hurt somehow.


And now my right hand hurts and so I shall sleep soon.

Bomb

I know that I'm not in a good mood because I lost so many times in Tetris.


I am really bothered by a whole lot of things.


First of all, the people that I was supposed to Skype with did not go online so that went well. Now my education is up in the air.


I pity my sorry self because I am such a pathetic person.


I have no idea how those people with scars have so much self confidence and strength cause I don't know how long I can keep ignoring the looks that people give me.


It's not like I asked for this.


I don't understand why I can't get any better.


My blood test didn't show any irregularities so what's up?


Honestly, I have no control over my body anymore and I can't understand the way it works anymore.


It'd be okay to show my scars if I had a whole lot of confidence to carry it off but I don't.


And now, I'm going to have to go on stage and people will definitely stare.


I honestly don't know when I'll ever catch a break.


I just want to complain out loud and everything but that isn't very becoming and I don't want to whine.


Going to sleep off this feeling cause I hate it. I loathe it with all my might and I wish that I was really, truly beautiful because I truly am an ugly person, both on the inside and out.


He's going to laugh at me.


I wanted to look pretty for my first prom.


I wanted to not worry about showing my scars.


Why did this have to happen to me? Why?


I already had acute asthma attacks when I was younger.


Going now.

Slipping between your fingers

Ever had the feeling that you were just attracted to someone for something that you can't really put into words but you know is really good?


The last time I ever liked someone, the feeling pretty much wore off after a month and I wasn't at all upset with the fact that I'd never get to see him again or even that I messed up my chance with him.


Even though I did eventually meet him again, I didn't get that reaction again, the one that causes butterflies to swirl in your stomach creating rainbows of all sizes. I just felt quite neutral.


And this all happened after just one month of not seeing him.


Right now, I don't know why, the feeling still remains after close to two months of not seeing him properly.


I thought that it would eventually fade and that I would eventually forget him but I don't know why I can't.


It's not like we did anything big together in comparison to the previous guy whom I actually talked and conversed with, hung out with and even traveled with to Seoul for more than a week.


In fact, my memories of him are filled with small details but together they make up a huge picture.


Like when we arranged tables, sat across from each other accidentally in the cafeteria, cleaned up rooms, playing rock-paper-scissors, him ginning whenever I talk, him giving me the box, him pronouncing my name correctly.


In the end, everything I think of will end up at that word.


"Him."


I wonder why he seems so special to me.


I've racked my brains for hours trying to find a reason that I can point to and say "Yes, you're the criminal for making me like him" but I just can't find it.


Either that or I haven't searched enough.


Pretty corny, I know, but honestly, that's how I really feel.


CNBLUE's One of a Kind can be used to express some of my feelings into words but there's so much that can be shown verbally.


I'm scared to admit this but I know that I might probably be waiting for years just for him.


Why?


There's just something in him.


Last week when I briefly got a glance of him, my heart started to pound really hard and it didn't stop for 5 minutes.


By then, I honestly thought that I could have moved on but apparently my subconscious doesn't think so.


I should sleep. 

Equilibrium shift

Didn't think I'd ever get to go to a birthday party at night but I did, yesterday.


Sutera is a really awesome place to throw a party especially if you're really well-off and I was just amazed at everything.


Thankfully I wasn't all awkward and I got to talk to some of the people there and so I'm hoping that I won't be all awkward with them tomorrow.


The best part was some of us walked to the end of the "pier" and screamed out stuff to the sea (which is something that the sea seems to make people do).


I feel slightly better now, not as stupid as I did a few days ago.


I need to study harder now cause I really want to do well and get a scholarship.


Also, I'm no longer striving to be a doctor cause I'm not particularly interested in it but for the most part, the cost is really too expensive especially since there're five of us.


And so, I'm shifting my goal to become an architect which is really more suited for me.


I'm kind of hoping to get into Politecnico di Milano for this year's batch even though I'll be a bit sad leaving IS but I know it's for the better.


Sleeping now cause my face hurts from all the medication. =-=;

Too...

I brought this on myself.


Honestly, I wouldn't mind moving but if I didn't get it then it means that I wasn't good enough but if it makes you feel better, you can go ahead and make some calls.


She only gets worked up when I get responses. She never even helped me throughout the process.


I know that she wants me to be independent so I just followed through.


But when I tell her the outcome for certain things, she starts saying stuff she doesn't even know about.


This is why there's a gap between us.


Whenever I want to talk with her, she doesn't really listen.


Our conversations are mostly about necessary things, nothing personal, which I think widens this gap even more.


She looks down on me, she said so herself.


She didn't expect me to get 9As for my results. She didn't expect me to be able to cook. She didn't expect me to be able to learn to book flight tickets. She doesn't think I'm competent enough to drive.


I'm actually studying now as opposed to the last few months because I really want to get a scholarship with my A Level results cause lets face it, I'm not getting any anytime soon.


I don't want to look any weaker so I'll just stop here.

Not going to lose focus

Reminder to self, you only like him and no other guy.


Don't even think about other guys.


I wish I could do something so that I could at least see him.


Hahaha. I'm so freaking tempted to SMS him right now and ask if he's busy studying. But I won't of course cause I have no right to ask that.


I want to see him soon.


And hopefully by then, I'll look better.

New

I am sick of wishing to become a better person who is pretty and smart.


The next time you see me, I will be a different person.


It will kill me a lot (metaphorically) of course but I refuse to be the wallflower who admires all those other pretty girls who are drawn to you.


So what if it'll take a long time?


I know that I don't want to be the person that I am right now and I just want to break free from these bonds that I've carried with me since the first time I fell and that was two years ago.


It's time to go back and get back my discipline and determination and plant them back inside me and truly begin to make the change I need to become the person I want to be.

When it all comes down to this

Actually, I'm not sure how to start expressing myself right now.


There are so many things going on in my mind but I do know for sure that if I don't take this time to get all these things off my chest, I won't be able to concentrate and focus on my life.


I feel empty now with a tinge of sadness.


I feel like I'm just walking through life without stopping by anywhere to enjoy the flowers and other foliage.




My allergies are coming back and I don't know why.


It's getting harder to lose weight even though I'm trying my best to.


Well, maybe not my best but previously, with the same amount of effort, I'd be back in shape within 4 days.


It's like my own body refuses to listen to me.




I have always been very socially awkward.


Leave me with someone I barely know or even worse, someone that I do know and I won't know how to keep a normal conversation without going into "Urms..." and making a fool of myself in order to distract them away from the fact that I don't have any idea how to talk with them normally.


I can only talk normally with people that I am very very close to and even then, I mostly listen and I barely make any real eye contact with them.




I still fear that I am not someone that anyone would want to be friends with.


It's not like I'm unfriendly or anything.


I just found out that someone really wanted to be my close friend last year but because she thought that I was too busy/serious, she didn't dare to approach me.


Do I really give off that aura? Do I really seem that unapproachable?


I seriously envy anyone who can just strike up a conversation with anyone casually and then continue doing that every single day.


I have no idea how they do it and yes, I am extremely impressed by these people.


I do my best to show that I like talking with people and yet, whenever I start talking with anyone, they seem so shocked, like they don't expect me to converse with them.


In a way, that hurts.




I wish I could re-create this image or perception of everyone towards me.




Maybe, this is one of the reasons why I like him.


People are afraid to approach him because they think he's scary although he doesn't have such a serious problem with this as compared to me as he has always been in a co-ed school.




I know that there is really little hope for me regarding him but still a part of me refuses to let go.


I feel like a fool.




I've been listening to his favourite band recently and I don't know why but I feel like I'm invading his privacy.


The songs that I like touch me one way or another.


One of the lyrics go "I think of you from time to time and in between."


I can't help thinking how true those words are.


It's like I can't stop my brain from thinking about him even though I know that my situation is helpless.


Sometimes, I wish that I never did like him but then again, I feel so happy that I did like him.


For me, he really is a one of a kind person and I feel like I can understand him as cliche as that sounds.




Never mind.




For now, I'm just going to try to concentrate on my studies, as difficult as that is for now.

You have no idea

Really.


You seriously have no idea how much I like you.


The first time we virtually communicated, I was shaking like really bad, as much as I hate to admit it, and yes it sounds very exaggerated but it's the truth.


I couldn't stop blushing for 10 minutes.


And you weren't even here.


I couldn't even stop moving and jumping and rolling on the bed.


Because I was that happy.


And then today when you guys sat right next to us, I was too afraid to even look in your direction which, previously, I was never shameless to do.


In fact, I couldn't eat properly.


Because my hands kept on going to my face because I honestly wondered how my face could get so hot so fast and last for more than 40 minutes.


Even people wondered why I had a fever.


But it wasn't a fever cause I'm feeling relatively very cool now and my cheeks aren't burning up.


I really really really want to talk to you and say "Hi" but I have no idea whatsoever in doing the first move without screwing up cause I've never really experienced something like this in real life.


In real life.


Cause I've been living in an all girls school for 10 years.


I wish words could come to me as easily as they can whenever I talk to other people, even strangers that I've just met.


I think it's partly cause you are a combination of two things that I used to (and still might) fear.


A. You are a senior.


B. You are a guy.


I'm really scared and I sound like some fluffed up girly girl but I really am scared.


I'm scared of making the first move and ending up looking like a fool because I have no idea how to read signals and clues and indications as to whether or not you're interested in me or as to whether or not I should really take the first step.


I need to get more confidence.

Silence is the silent killer

I can't lie by saying that I'm feeling okay right now, I just can't.


I feel like a fool. Like a super huge fool.


Why?


I'm scared that I'll let tears fall down at any moment.


What happened?


A lot really.


I thought, well, I felt, Actually, as full of myself as this will sound, I do think that he's at least interested in me.


The Graduation Committee and the A&P Committee had set up a kind of bulletin place where we can stick post-its for our graduating seniors and classmates so you can only bet what I did.


I wrote him a post-it.


I stayed up till 1 am, racking up my brains to think of words that wouldn't imply anything too bad or love-ish in any sense.


It took me three post-its to even write his name in what I thought was as perfect as it could get.


I didn't write my name or even a code name.


I just drew something to symbolize me.


I didn't sleep well last night.


Then this morning, I almost got caught putting the note up but I pretended to just walk past by the board despite having a stack of post-its in my hands.


During the first break, I couldn't see him cause I had to go for a meeting but there was this one time that I was trying to catch a glimpse of him in the crowd and then I saw one of his friends looking at me so I pretended that I was looking for my friends. Then I left.


You must be wondering, "What makes you think he's interested in you?"


I have a habit of going down to the cafeteria early to take a table that is around the place where he usually sits but I never take a table that's directly next to him or anything.


He, on the other hand, somehow always manages to get a table with his friends that is relatively very close to the table where I sit.


Like today.


I thought I was hearing voices to my left cause when I turned to my left, I didn't see him there but the next time I looked, he was sitting down with his friends so I looked away.


And for the few moments that I was alone, he made it a point to talk quite loudly. Quite.


And then when his gang stood up to leave, he kind of hung back in the cafeteria like he was waiting for something and he was within my line of vision.


Things like these have gradually increased from the beginning of February till now.


And you know what I'd really love to do?


I'd love to text him just out of the blue cause you know why?


He'll be gone in two days.


Why am I such a shy git?


Too worn out to think any further. Going to sleep soon.

Smiling

In short, he smiled at me today.


He grinned at me.


And it was no mistake because he turned 180 degrees to face me and he looked at me and he gave me a grin.


I wanted to not be sure in a way but as soon as he grinned at me, two people immediately said to me "OMG HE SMILED AT YOU!!!!!!!"


So, in conclusion, that was not a dream.


Nor was it a daydream.


And of all the things I could've done, I did the stupidest action which was to blush and bury my face in my hands.


Fool.


I hope I don't become stupid like that anymore.


And yes, that really really really made my day. :)

Hope

I just need courage.


A lot of courage.


I wonder why I can be normal and natural around others but not him.


I don't want to waste anymore opportunities and I pray that tomorrow will be a good day.


I need some confidence. A whole lot of it.


Especially since I'm going to be wearing a skirt in front of so many humans and I'm the only one in my cheer team with horrifyingly, scar-filled legs.


Please, let me be able to find courage, positivism and luck tomorrow.

Just one sentence can make your day

Today is Valentine's Day.


I expected quite a lot to happen at school somehow but hardly anything happened except for the fact that a girl got two bouquets of roses and that a couple of seniors got some Valentine gifts from friends.


I'm quite happy today. :)


I just read one sentence and instantly I felt relief wash over me before waves of happiness attacked me. :)


I hope I'll get more opportunities in the future. :)

Stepping sideways

I didn't realise I had culture shock until my family pointed it out.


I will definitely do my best to get back to the main road as soon as I get a hang of how to use the GPS on my car.


Sometimes, I feel like just giving up and go back inside my shell where everything is safe and I don't take any kind of risk.


But then again, I want to take a risk as well.


As scary as it is, it'll only make me mature even more cause I'm sure I'll get through with only a few scratches.


I'm really afraid of truly letting go of myself as much as I want to.


I think, for now, I'm just going to keep quiet and hope for the best.

What it's like on a flying saucer

I will admit, I woke up this morning on the wrong side of bed.


What made it worse was the freaking driving lecturer who made such corny jokes about boys and "cewek"s.


And the way how he freaking took 5-10 minutes for one sentence.


I was really really really annoyed and I really showed it. I hope he noticed. I really do.


Cause he made some stupid self-introduction which wasn't even needed. 


And it lasted for 15 minutes. 15 minutes.


I bet if he cut the crap just like the last lecturer, his session would have ended within 50 minutes because all he was doing was wasting our time.


And I fell asleep also. Bad. Bad.


What's worse is that thanks to that lecturer, I couldn't go to Promenade and eat a really good lunch.


But what's more important was that I missed Corn's reaction when Kodos came and I really really really wanted to see that.




But what turned that around was when Kodos, Corn, Cat and Kir came to pick me up from home and then we all went to Yoyo where we all bonded. :)


I think earlier on when I just got in the car, Corn purposely came back to the car late so that the four of us could bond a bit and I think that really helped. :)


After Yoyo, the atmosphere became better and I really started to enjoy myself because I felt happy looking at the both of them happy and an added bonus was that I could totally be myself around Kodos and he was cool with it. :)


We all went to Tanjung Aru after that and we all played frisbee together. (Sister Team - 1, Couple Team - 1). And that's only cause we were nice enough to Corn and Kodos. XD


We wanted to eat Pan Mian at Damai after that but it was closed so after a short trip to a pharmacy for Kikir's contacts, we had dinner at Upperstar where we all bonded again.


Then we played pool! Which was awesome even though Kodos pocketed a lot of balls.


I must improve!


It was like the scene from We Got Married where the four of us were CNBLUE while Kodos was Seo Hyun. XD


Then after buying a snack for Mason, we got home and Cat, Kir and I left Corn in the car with him to talk. :)




The only problem I have with him is that he has selective hearing. But it's not his fault. Corn said his dad has it too.




I really hope that Corn and him will have a good relationship that will last. I really do.


He's freaking awesome.


He even talked about love problems with us. XD




I'm glad Corn's with him. :)