Slipping between your fingers

Ever had the feeling that you were just attracted to someone for something that you can't really put into words but you know is really good?


The last time I ever liked someone, the feeling pretty much wore off after a month and I wasn't at all upset with the fact that I'd never get to see him again or even that I messed up my chance with him.


Even though I did eventually meet him again, I didn't get that reaction again, the one that causes butterflies to swirl in your stomach creating rainbows of all sizes. I just felt quite neutral.


And this all happened after just one month of not seeing him.


Right now, I don't know why, the feeling still remains after close to two months of not seeing him properly.


I thought that it would eventually fade and that I would eventually forget him but I don't know why I can't.


It's not like we did anything big together in comparison to the previous guy whom I actually talked and conversed with, hung out with and even traveled with to Seoul for more than a week.


In fact, my memories of him are filled with small details but together they make up a huge picture.


Like when we arranged tables, sat across from each other accidentally in the cafeteria, cleaned up rooms, playing rock-paper-scissors, him ginning whenever I talk, him giving me the box, him pronouncing my name correctly.


In the end, everything I think of will end up at that word.


"Him."


I wonder why he seems so special to me.


I've racked my brains for hours trying to find a reason that I can point to and say "Yes, you're the criminal for making me like him" but I just can't find it.


Either that or I haven't searched enough.


Pretty corny, I know, but honestly, that's how I really feel.


CNBLUE's One of a Kind can be used to express some of my feelings into words but there's so much that can be shown verbally.


I'm scared to admit this but I know that I might probably be waiting for years just for him.


Why?


There's just something in him.


Last week when I briefly got a glance of him, my heart started to pound really hard and it didn't stop for 5 minutes.


By then, I honestly thought that I could have moved on but apparently my subconscious doesn't think so.


I should sleep.