... Another one of those phases

I felt too tired today when I woke up and it's not like I even did anything big yesterday and I actually slept early so I really felt pissed at myself for not being able to keep myself awake during class.

And as soon as I got back I decided to take a nap before going to the gym but in the end I was too tired to go to the gym. I will go tomorrow hopefully.

And now I feel so... weird. I don't know what to call this phenomenon, the one where I go into a silent blue phase and don't feel like talking to anyone or doing anything productive.

It's always at that point that I decide to type these feelings out here.

Sometimes I really just feel like doing vlogs instead of writing things down but rationally thinking, there'll be a lot more responsibility going into that and by that I mean that whatever you say will no longer be anonymous and people could potentially hurt you or your loved ones with what you put up.

I really felt so unproductive just now mainly because I wanted to take a shower before I started researching but there're people out there now and I really don't feel like talking with anyone so I guess that I'll just do some research after this before I take my shower and hit the sack.

I really am starting to wonder who I am.

I know I'm a lot more comfortable with the way that I present myself now as compared to this exact time last year but still, I don't think I ever will.

Side note for a bit, have you guys read Lay's message on Weibo for his birthday?

And I'm don't know why but I really believe that we have the same brainwave length after reading his message. It's so considerate and sweet and extremely humble. He's so pure and fresh, do guys like him really exist??? I really wonder that sometimes.

I... I really need to concentrate on my goals here.

Every time after I watch or read something related to him, I always get more fired up to work harder so yes, thank you YiXing. I will do my research after this.

For now, that's the only thing that's able to get me out of this silent blue.

Yeah, I think that's what I'll call it. Silent blue.

I really wonder how people perceive me. Why? Because I really don't feel like I am truly myself except when I'm with my family members.

But anyway, I will get to work done now.

And I don't want to shop for anything more; food-wise and clothes-wise.

I live near one of my class mates and we are always awkward whenever we are alone together, I don't know why, so yesterday we were on our way home at the same time and then to get myself out I said I had to go to Carrefour and he said the same... So yeah.

He's a nice guy, it's just that I don't know what to talk about with him since we're both listening type of people.

That's it for now! Feeling much better somewhat. :)