Sometimes when you just want someone to listen to you wail and cry and complain and just be an absolute brat with, you take a step back to realise who exactly can you do that with without any hesitations or worries.
And that's when you realise that you really can't be that way with anyone.
Why?
Because you're afraid that they will leave you.
That their absence in your life will cause you to go even deeper within yourself, to a place where no one can reach out to you.
And that's when you start to have negative thoughts which spirals out of control because you're too scared to trust anyone with yourself.
Because betrayal hurts and the pain is too real.
So it's better to let the pain pile up inside you.
Afterall, it's better to know that you yourself are causing this pain and it isn't because someone did it.
Or because someone you cared did it.
In short, one bad thought will lead to other darker ones which leaves you blindly groping around for security.
And it's not even like you're blind.
You just refuse to truly open your eyes to look for help.
Because you were never used to opening your eyes before.
And to meet the unknown in a time where you're desperate for help scares you.
Because if you get hurt even more, you have no idea where you'll end up, away from the dark hole where you're kind of used to be in.
Because that place might be even worse than the place where you are at now.
It's like I wish I could help you, but I can't because I wouldn't understand. Maybe you just need someone to listen without what they think unless asked for.
ReplyDeleteEveryone is so afraid of getting close to each other that we'd rather be alone. There are almost 12 billion people yet you and I are islands.
I guess those kind of people are rare to find, and you'll need to work hard for your part to keep those kind of people hahaha.
DeleteWhat you said is true, though there's actually only 7 billion people hahaha, that despite the fact that there are so many of us here, people sometimes just feel separated from everyone else.