Intuition

Sometimes I think that I'm just lucky when it comes to assignments; getting overwhelmingly positive feedback from my professors and what not.

When we did our presentation a lot of people came over to listen to us and I think that they weren't too bored with it as opposed to the other previous presentations before us. Our professors only had issues with the way we graphically represented our ideas but other than that they didn't really criticise us and even gave us more suggestions in order to improve our project.

Our main professor even said that he loved our project and after our presentation and while we were about to start with the next presentation another professor suddenly tapped me on my shoulder and when I turned to look at him he nodded at me, pointed at our pin-ups and said "Your project is really good" to which I could only smile and thank him because I'm socially awkward like that.

But because of all the nice things that they said I also felt so embarrassed when they kept complimenting us, especially when they kept complimenting the images that I drew. It got to a point where I had to hide my face because I was certain that I would I grin widely and cry at the same time but thankfully I regained my composure after 5 seconds.

One of the drawings that they loved.

What surprises me every time is that I'm not so passionate about architecture and neither do I aspire to be an architect and yet every (really, I'm not exaggerating) project that I've been in has been well received by the professors. Moreover, I don't even study or know much about architecture.

While watching Porco Rosso just now (one of Studio Ghibli's movies if you don't know) something one of the characters said caught my attention.

"What makes a good sea pilot?"

Porco's answer: "Intuition"

And applying that to my situation, I think that I have fairly good intuition.

And because of that, I think that's what separates me from a lot of people and this separation is really quite apparent in my opinion because I never feel like a human here. I always feel like I'm on display and people just watch me. Of course there're people who come near me and talk to me but most of the time everyone's keeping their distance.

I only truly feel human when I'm with my family.

I don't think I can be understood well, in fact, I never think that I actually understand myself.

I am both a paradox and a hypocrite, if I can use both words in one sentence to describe myself.

Anyway I should get back to life and try to be as normal as possible. Whatever normal is anyway.