In character

I have recently taken up reading again. Like reading novels kind of reading.

The one that I'm on now is called The Absolutist by John Boyne and I picked it up cause I thought it would be a great read since it was based around the WWI timeline and I absolutely love stories based on either of the World Wars.

It turned out to revolve around patriotism and sexuality and in some ways, it reminded me of Brokeback Mountain a lot but the emotions in this story is so raw and real that at some parts I laughed out loud while at another moment I almost cried. I haven't been moved by a book in a long time.

Part of the reason why I kind of avoided reading books (apart from studying and not having any English books around) is because I tend to get too absorbed into the books that I sometimes feel like I inherited some of the characteristics of a particular character, especially if it's the protagonist.

From there, I will not be myself for a couple of days and my personality will tend to shift to a more darker side somehow.

Which is what I'm currently going through now.

I don't want to finish reading the book, in fact, I'm postponing the ending for as long as possible as much as I'd like to turn the pages. I feel like I'm not ready to see what's ahead of me, or what I did in the past.

This week in particular, I felt like I moved about in my own quiet shell, like a true loner. I wonder if the people around me sensed it but regardless of what they saw or felt, I feel quite okay somehow. Somehow.

I'm still living in a sort of coma, if that makes sense.

The activities I go through everyday are different but are all alike at the same time so much that all I need to do is to look up at the sky and wait for the day to disfigure into night and by then I'd know that another day has pass by and here I am, still alive and walking on this Earth, not knowing what's at the next corner.

Life is so unexpected and if those little events never happened, I would have never been here.

I'm just tired.