Dark blue

I've been getting bad luck all week even though I tried to stay positive.

Now I should be a doing a million things but I feel like if I get started on them, they'll turn sour like milk.

I feel like life gave up on me. That I can't be saved anymore.

I like staying positive and I want to stay positive but it's hard to be positive when negativity always hits you square in the face and laughs at you while you try to stand up again on bruised knees.

I freaking feel so so so guilty for not attending Ash Wednesday Mass and I went to the church twice today (morning and afternoon) and attended two Masses but neither of them was for Ash Wednesday and I even tried to Google a Mass celebration for it in Milan but I got zero results.

I also find it such a hindrance to not be able to speak Italian. I can't wait for the holidays so that I can study some and at least learn a couple of sentences.

I feel like my whole body clock and mind is messed up.

I'm getting too emotional over the smallest things and I feel like my head is about to explode and all I want to do is drive a screwdriver through it to stop the throbbing. It's almost like someone's knocking at my door, asking me to get out of there and leave everything behind.

I just want to get into bed and sleep. For a long time.

But no, I'm going to bathe and then study something. And then sleep. And then wake up early to study some more.

I think this all originated from the 28 I got. And from my never ending super high goals that I set for myself.

Who am I kidding, seriously.