When you start thinking too much

Now that I'm really working hard and paying more attention to my dreams, I start to over-think things and then I start to compare myself with other great artists and I just feel so small.

I start to wonder when I'll ever reach their level.

What happens is that I'll submit a deviation and then look through some amazing drawings and in all honesty, I hate looking at them because I get so jealous that the feeling starts to go really bad inside me and I don't want that to fill my heart.

But I have to look at those drawings if I want to improve.

So after looking through them, I go on to Manga Studio and start to sketch and colour and when I realise that I can't achieve the same feeling like what I saw previously I get frustrated and then I lose interest and then I go back and look at those drawings and the cycle starts again.

I can only hope that I'm somehow moving forwards. I want to keep on walking down this path and I will do my best to find my own style.

Because in all actuality, I'm just on a path of finding myself.

Mother's Day

Although it should be the other way round, I feel like I was the one who got comforted and I received such an amazing gift from my mom; the gift of time.

She listened to me ranting away and just allowed me to splutter nonsense and in that way, my negativity slowly faded to be replaced by a calm sense of positivity. I really feel so much better after talking with her.

So even though I've said it so many times; Happy Mother's Day ma, I love you so so so so much and it pains me that I can't physically hug you now. Thank you for being the best mom ever. :)

Crappy day turned better

I think my luck with my academics finally ran out this time. My group can't seem to do anything right and I guess it is my own fault for not paying too much attention to the project from the beginning. With less than 2 months from the deadline, I really am paying back my academic debt now.

I just really need to focus on my assignments and I fully intend to finish at least one.

Or else I'l never leave this school library (but it closes in 3 hours anyway so I'll need to be done by then).

I was feeling really crappy and empty until I logged on to my deviantArt account.

I made a kiriban for 3333 page views on my profile page and I saw that someone sent me a note saying that they caught it and it was such a shock for me because when I checked the number of page views that I got today, it was 72 hits. Twice the number of people who visited yesterday (but on a normal day I actually only get around 10 OTL).

And the one who did this wasn't just a person who favourites almost every picture they see but it is a person who actually draws really prettily and she even watched me so I seriously felt super elated. Shortly after, another awesome person watched me so even until now, happiness is still surging through me.

To a lot of people, this might not be a big deal but for me, I take them as motivations so that I can work harder towards my dream.

These days I'm becoming even more obvious that I don't really have a passion for architecture in my class and I think people are starting to notice.

Sometimes I think architecture isn't that bad. I'm still exercising my creativity and using the scientific knowledge that I've gathered over the years and not wasting them.

But I just simply love drawing. I really do.

There isn't a day that goes by without me drawing at least one thing; whether it be digitally or traditionally, using all kinds of techniques to improve my skills even more.

I really, really hope that I'll be able to fulfil this dream. It is the one thing that I know can truly define myself for who I am.