Monday, December 26, 2011

Small hope

Sometimes I wonder why I still try.

When I look all around me...

Whats in there for me???

Honestly.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

Who the heck would like someone like me?

I keep on saying I don't want to scratch but then I end up scratching myself even more.

And now, I can't sleep.

And I smell like blood.

Is that why I continue to read all those mangas?

In the end, I just raise my own hopes.

There you have it, I scratched myself again.

Urgh.

I want to peel of my skin and just buy new skin.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

As a grey cloud hovers over

Honestly, I don't update this blog much because I have another place where I can place my thoughts in.

I still have the same phobia.

All I can say is that I finally understand how all those manga character feels whenever they have the same problem.

Cause it hurts.

Anyway, I realised that starting next year, I will live a totally different life.

For one, I'll be attending a co-ed institution. The last time I was in one I was six. And at six, it's easy to make friends with anyone.

Now that we've all grown, there're sure to be some difficulties in making new friends especially if you all come from different schools and you all don't speak the same language. (Cause I'm expecting some students to be speaking Chinese as their main source of verbal communication).

Another point to wonder is if I can actually find a secure base, if you know what I mean.

For instance, I've learned from my sisters and seniors that at first people from the same high school stick together but then in a month's time, that group will slowly start to disintegrate, especially if people start to hook up.

Not like I don't want to, but I feel totally unprepared for that kind of thing. More like feeling unworthy...

All the same I'm freaking scared. Really.

There'll no longer be a lot of the familiar faces I've seen growing up with me from primary school.

I'll miss a lot of people. Really.

But at the same time I'm kind of excited.

Although I don't look at my best (on the count of the eczema =-=;), I will do my best so that my confidence won't be teared down.


On a totally different note, I want to take a short moment to spazz about Lee Jong Hyun. :D

Previously, I really biased him because of his voice, talent, looks, aura, fingers (yes, fingers. He plays the guitar), smile, dimple et cetera... XD

But I never actually got a full-blown crush on him. Cause you know, he's kind of out of my reach.

Then, the other day, I started to watch a lot of CNBLUE based videos and I started to like him. :)

Obviously, I know it's near impossible to ever talk to him (because of location and language reasons) and if I do, I' d probably end up looking like a complete fool.

But still, I have a chance. As long as he's alive and I'm still breathing.

There really is no one like him. A one of a kind. :)

I really like this FMV of him. :) He's so freaking cute in it! :)


If only, if only.