Slipping

Well I think it's finally happening. I'm finally starting to slip away from getting amazing grades. I guess you really can't depend on luck forever.

I don't know why I no longer feel so passionate about getting good marks. Maybe it's because I keep on thinking how architecture is both for me and not for me. For me in the sense that I have both a scientific and creative thinking brain. Not for me as in I just don't feel passionate about it.

Why? The list could go on and on but the main thing is that this job takes on a really huge responsibility and when I think of that, my mind starts to waver. Most aspiring architects don't even get enough to live by, even the hot shots themselves.

Really, what is in for me to become an architect?

When I think about the set of skills I'll have by the end of this degree, I start to think "How will I ever be able to use them?"

I just wish I could talk with someone now.

Why can't we just follow the path that we think will give us happiness instead of just settling for the safe path, all the time wondering what would have happened if we took the other road. Why can't we?

I think for the most part I'm sticking to this because I'm such a terrible people-pleaser. I don't want to let my parents and professors down. I hate seeing them disappointed when I screw up.

And now I really am at a loss.

Why doesn't architecture make me happy? Why can't I be happy with just architecture? It would save my family and I a lot of headaches.

I really should get to doing my work now but sadly, I can no longer force myself to give it my all. It's really sad to say this, but I can't care about it anymore. Nevertheless, I will still do my best for my parents. I'm using their money after all.

All is well

I must take charge of my youth while I can still call myself one. I don't want to whittle them away.

I've had a pretty good life so far but nothing too exciting has happened and I know in order for that to happen, I must be the one to take the initiative. I cannot expect other people to just step forward, hold out their hand and say 'I will make your life more wonderful, trust me.'

For starters, I want to learn to love myself even more, only then can I truly love others and it isn't fair that I'm not loving the people around me enough. It really isn't.

I want to concentrate on my dreams, to take risks, and to gain more knowledge wherever, whenever, in what ever form they may be in and to be able to apply them positively for myself and for the benefit of the people who surround me.

I shall make my resolutions after this. Surprisingly, I scored 8.5 out of 11 for my 2013 resolutions without realising it myself. I only realised it after looking back through my list and then looking back on my memories of 2013 so yes, it both shocked and pleased me at the same time.

Hopefully I will be able to carve my own destiny and make 2014 my own.