Strobe Edge

I haven't felt so attached to a manga for such a long time but this kept me up way past my bedtime and I really wanted to have a nice long sleep but somehow the storyline made me want to keep on going.

Maybe it's because I can somewhat relate to it, it's almost like my current situation or should I say, a situation that I went through recently?

This manga, 'Strobe Edge' by Sakisaka Io really gets me thinking.

Not only on the whole relationship thing though, also goal-wise.

Reading the manga makes me realise that I really do want to be a mangaka, someone who's able to make the reader forget reality for awhile and to leave their worries at the door and to just touch these people's hearts and evoke emotion from them.

Maybe I have always been subconscious of this dream of mine.

I've been keeping drawing references from mangas ever since I got this laptop and I don't even know why I started doing so. I just knew that I liked what I saw and I wanted to make a collection of them.

When I saw my roommate compiling pictures and reading books and drawing sketches of buildings and making small models, I realised that I was just the same as her.

I'm always drawing and sketching characters, observing the people around me, eager to listen to people's stories and experiences and eager to relate them together, and always reading a lot of mangas, always dreaming etc.

Before I realised it, I actually became someone who dreams to go to Japan and experience the culture there, like Japan is a shrine or something.

Is this what passion is?

I know with all my heart that I am not extremely talented in drawing or phrasing words or even conveying stories but I really want to try and do this. Really.

So for now I will continue to work hard at my studies but I will continue to pursue my true dreams as well.

Wish me luck. :)

Non-plus

Honestly, what am I doing with my life?

Connections

That's what's been on my mind these days.

Is everyone searching for that certain something in another person that will enable them to have a link that connects these two people together?

Why do they want to have that link in the first place?

Is it so that they have someone to share their feelings, emotions and memories with so that they won't feel so lonely?

So does this mean we're just continuing to search for that one person that makes you feel less lonely?

When you do settle on someone that you just met, then... I'm not sure how to say this... Are you just talking with them in order to find that one link that will connect the two of you that will eventually create more bonds?

What are we looking to build? Honestly?

It's just so random, finding these people that is.

I mean, it could be the person sitting right next to you on the subway but if you never made the move to talk with them, you would've never known. Of course this is an example, not like I ever had any random stranger come up to me and started talking with me.

I feel like I am now just an observer of my living self.

In a more apt term, I'm not living in my body now.

I'm just watching this body do things I programmed it to do and all I do is watch this sequence of events it unfolds due to the choices I made and in a sense, I'm not truly experiencing life and feeling alive.

I'm really not making much sense am I??? Putting these thoughts to words makes it all sound so jumbled up but it perfectly makes sense in my mind; the arrangement, the tone, the meaning behind the words I chose to pop-up in my mind.

And maybe that's why I myself am searching for someone to help me organise all of these thoughts out, fold them neatly, store them away, and let my mind to unwind and to finally love life.