Lucky?

I've come to realise that all the guys that I've liked (well, that's only two) has treated me so freaking nice even when they found out that I liked them.


I don't know if the current one does but he's treated me so nice.


I know guys who become mean once they find out someone likes them just because they're not interested in that person. And they were really mean.


When I really think about things through and through, I realise just how much he's been nice to me even though I was really obvious.


It give me hope that I can at least become his friend. :)


It' a good thing this preoccupies my thoughts a lot cause if not, I'd be all depressed cause I'm not at home right (which I should be) and I'm still worried things will screw up and I can't apply for the university.


Please God, let my application be accepted!

If it does happen

I'm really scared that I won't be able to apply for the university cause I don't want to cause mom anymore pain than I already have (with reference to the highly unsuccessful bakery attack).


I did all that I could have already but it's really all up to God now and the Italian Embassy.


Looking through a lighter perspective for today, I felt a little bit more mature and nicer cause I took the KTM and LRT by myself and I even gave my seat several times to older people. I actually met nice people at almost every station so I didn't get lost, thankfully.


Walking around felt quite good, like I was free from everything.


I got to buy Kimi ni Todoke book one today and I am so freaking pleased with myself even though it cost RM 30.70. I wanted to buy the How to Draw Manga Characters book but that costs RM 88.30 and I don't have that much money.


I really hope my application gets through.

Bittersweet

IS prom was really good.


First and foremost, it's because of my sisters who made me feel quite good about myself by giving me a make-over. Without them, I'd have been a mess.


I got to talk to a lot of people and I didn't feel bored at all cause I had a lot of work and the performances weren't as bad as I thought it'd turn out to be.


Just the technical problems disrupted that evening. And a whole lot of misunderstanding.


I had to go up on stage twice to help with the lucky draw and the first time I did, my knees shook and I don't know if anyone saw them shaking and I still don't know if they shook because I was walking around in my heels for more than an hour or the fact that he was there in the crowd.


Needless to say, I did almost fall in my supremely high high heels once today.


On the stairs.


Luckily, I have good reflexes and I was pretty much unscathed for the rest of the evening.


At least I didn't trip on stage.


I feel so blessed cause I had the chance to talk to him and to clear all my doubts away.


I now know for sure that he isn't annoyed with me and he isn't pissed with me and that he doesn't mind me texting him anytime.


I even got to take a picture with him.


Somehow though, I don't feel really that ecstatic.


Instead, I feel a quiet sadness enveloping me.


I don't know why.


Initially, I thought this sadness came from my misunderstanding that he and one of his friends were hooking up but when Corn told me that this friend of his actually likes another guy, I still felt sad so this sadness didn't come from there.


It does hurt somehow.


And now my right hand hurts and so I shall sleep soon.

Bomb

I know that I'm not in a good mood because I lost so many times in Tetris.


I am really bothered by a whole lot of things.


First of all, the people that I was supposed to Skype with did not go online so that went well. Now my education is up in the air.


I pity my sorry self because I am such a pathetic person.


I have no idea how those people with scars have so much self confidence and strength cause I don't know how long I can keep ignoring the looks that people give me.


It's not like I asked for this.


I don't understand why I can't get any better.


My blood test didn't show any irregularities so what's up?


Honestly, I have no control over my body anymore and I can't understand the way it works anymore.


It'd be okay to show my scars if I had a whole lot of confidence to carry it off but I don't.


And now, I'm going to have to go on stage and people will definitely stare.


I honestly don't know when I'll ever catch a break.


I just want to complain out loud and everything but that isn't very becoming and I don't want to whine.


Going to sleep off this feeling cause I hate it. I loathe it with all my might and I wish that I was really, truly beautiful because I truly am an ugly person, both on the inside and out.


He's going to laugh at me.


I wanted to look pretty for my first prom.


I wanted to not worry about showing my scars.


Why did this have to happen to me? Why?


I already had acute asthma attacks when I was younger.


Going now.